What is Facebook? It’s world’s most popular social network used by millions of people worldwide to share latest news, photos, find new friends (or even a true love), or simply keep connected with old friends and family members. Sounds good? Yes, but there is a problem. Thousands of new persons join Facebook every day, so if you want to be the coolest guy/lady in this community, you need to outperform thousands of “average Joes”, and it’s a hard thing to do. But before you say “it’s mission impossible“, I have great news for you! Being on Facebook and analyzing online activities of hundreds of persons, I wrote very clear and simple step-by-step guide how to be cool on Facebook. It’s a lifetime opportunity you have been waiting for, so continue reading…
Using simple steps listed below you will become world’s most popular person in less than a week, and I stake my reputation on it! Enough chit-chat, it’s time to get the job done!
Tips for Guys
- Show how cool you are. What is the best way to show the whole world how cool you are? Simply upload pictures with you in front of a car! It really doesn’t matter if you drive a cheap-looking BMW 3er/5er/7er, 10 years old (or even older) Mercedes, some type of poor and dumb racer-boy car, or another standard vehicle. Everyone will love your wheels, so make some pictures and start uploading. But before you do so, here is even better tip! If your friend has a car which is better than yours, ask him to make a picture of you inside (or near) his car. If you have several friends, it’s even better. Make cool photos with your big shiny face inside each car you can find, and get ready for success. Needless to say, everyone will think of you as attractive, cool and masculine man!
- Show how big you are. If you are deep into bodybuilding, make sure that each single photo in your album is related to gym and muscles. It makes no difference that your butt is bigger than muscles (thanks to anabolic steroids which need to be injected into the butt); you will look big and cool anyway. If someone says that you look like an idiot, just remove him/her from your friends list. Why should you need such a dumb person in the list?
- Be serious. Nobody likes clowns, so be serious! Review your photo albums and remove all photos with smile in your face. Then make new photos with angry (or at least serious) face and arms crossed. Not only you will look serious, but it will also make your muscles to look bigger than they are. From now, when someone wants to make a photo of you, firstly make sure that your face is angry and arms are crossed. No one will f**k around with you from now.
Tips for Ladies
- Show the beauty of your face. Even 12 years old girl now knows how to reveal the real beauty of her face, so take a benefit of this simple yet effective advice: make a duck face. If you are unsure what is duck face, click here to learn more (pictures included). Finally, everyone will see how gorgeous you are!
- Be sexy. It’s no matter if you are fat, your breasts are tiny (almost invisible), or your face is ugly. Get the sexiest clothes you can find in town, and make lots of creative pictures. For example, if you are fat, find a tight dress of latex or leather. If your breasts are smaller than 14 years old girl, make photos of you wearing a bikini. If someone says that you look funny, don’t pay attention. Why should you care of persons who are less sexy than you are?
- Show your children to everyone. Got children? Sensational, now you can look as cool as never before! Simply make a photo of you and your children as main one (profile photo). Or even better! Put a photo of your children (without you!) on your Facebook profile and enjoy the dramatically increased number of profile views. Everyone is interested in your awful children, so don’t ignore this essential step!
Tips for Both Guys and Ladies
- Keep everyone updated. This is extremely important step which leads to instant popularity among other Facebook users. Update your profile every several minutes and let everyone know what you are doing right now. Post every single activity of yours because everyone will love it. Don’t have any fresh ideas, but still want to be cool? Here are some fantastic suggestions: “I’m watching some stupid movie”, “I’m playing a song of some bum singer like Lady gaga”, “I’m shi**ing into my pants”, and so on. Be creative! Also please keep in mind that at least 5 daily posts are must!
- Beg for support. Are you in contest of any kind? It’s about time to beg for support! If you are just an average person who never wins, start posting messages “please vote for me at somesite.com”, “please visit somepage.com and click … button” on your wall, and repeat it every hour. But if you are really creative person, don’t limit yourself with simple wall posts. Keep sending private messages to all persons from your list, and do it every day. It’s the best way to show your friends how nice you are, and they will surely appreciate the time you spend for spamming them.
- Reveal your hobbies to everyone. Are there any activities you really enjoy? Yes? So why shouldn’t you share them with your friends? It simply makes no big difference if you are interested in racing, boating, dancing, fighting, eating sushi, etc. Even if you enjoy this activity once a week or month, keep your wall full of daily posts “I’m going to do … tomorrow”, “Who wants to join me at … next weekend?”, “I can’t wait for …”, etc. If possible, add some YouTube videos related to these activities. Wow, you just got a truckload of respect points!
- Add more photos. Got fresh photos of some party, holiday, or another activity? Share them with your friends! But wait! You should never upload only several photos to album; you MUST upload absolutely all photos. How in the hell will everyone see how cool you are if you don’t upload dozens of pictures at the same time? Facebook has lots of storage, so upload each single photo you have. Show the world how many things you like doing…
- Like anything and anytime. Needless to say, you must click ‘Like’ button on each single group on Facebook. While some people laugh at stupid groups like “I love ice cream”, “I love SOME_SONG”, “You must see this video” and similar, dare to be different and like anything and anytime. So who is stupid now? Surely not you!
- Ask your friends to join groups. It’s no surprise that people love people who honestly care about them. So ask your friends to join every single group you like, and do it hard. Keep sending those requests and suggestions till they join all these groups. No, your friends will not be pi**ed off, they will love you even more!
- Support scammers and spammers. Facebook has thousands of groups like “Win SOME_THING_NAME”, “Become a supermodel”, “Join this group and we will donate $0.01 to homeless kids”, “Invite your friends and win SOME_CRAP”, etc. Being a very intelligent person, you know these social groups are NOT fakes, don’t you? So join all these groups and ask your virtual friends to do so. Not only you will win hundreds or even thousands of useful yet luxurious gadgets, but you will also make the world a better place to live! Don’t be a moron, test it yourself!
- Use more applications. Here is the only simple rule to follow: the more, the better. Grant full access to all applications like “Phrases”, etc. Some not very intelligent users may say that you look like a fu**ing moron, but don’t listen to them because applications are really cool. Daily horoscopes, stupid phrases, tests made by d**kheads; what else could be better!?
- Check-in everywhere. Get an application for your mobile phone and use it to “check-in” everywhere and anytime. For example, if you are in restaurant, just launch that app and new wall post like “SOME_PERSON just checked-in at SOME_PLACE” will be automatically created. Just don’t forget to use it virtually everywhere – beach, restaurant, gym, night club, kitchen, WC, etc. Your friends want to be in touch with you!
- Post the link to this blog. No matter what previous suggestions you have already followed, this one is the real bang! Copy the URL (website address) of this blog and post everywhere you can. As soon as someone will visit this page using your link, your Facebook account will be credited 10 respect points instantly, and your chances to win cool gadgets (if you joined this type of groups) will multiply!
It’s Time to Get Started! I know you are ready to become the coolest person on Facebook planet, so remember this; the sooner you act, the sooner your success begins! Let me ask a simple question: don’t you owe yourself a happier and richer life? So don’t go wondering if and how these simple steps could change your life, just do it! Just this single time… let yourself go wild… You will be glad you did!